Butter, softened, cream cheese, softened, heart, softened

I have had the pleasure of having my mom stay with me last week at my house and of having spent the last few days at my parents homes. I know it is so easy to keep our parents in their parent box, but these past several days, I've played observer and made several mental notes. The outcome? Being so humbled and undeserving of how wonderfully loving and serving my parents are to me and their loved ones. I haven't ceased to be amazed in numerous ways of how my parents have mentally, physically, relationally and financially poured themselves out. Why do I not always realize this? Even more so, why am I not always as truly thankful as I should be? Why am I not more like them?
In just under three weeks I will be committing myself to my dear love in a lifelong relationship. Sounds scary and overwhelming to me. Why? I know my flesh. How can I possibly be who and what a godly wife should be? How can I live up to what is to be expected of me? How can I have the heart to respond to him as I should when his flesh comes out?

I feel like I have a Moses complex. I have been reading Exodus and have seen three things repeated. The first, Moses always doubts himself and God because he seems, like the rest of us, to think in terms of human ability, not God's ability. When seeing his shortcomings and imperfections, he loses perspective and sees the flesh as being a serious obstacle for the Lord to overcome. God's solution: He brings along someone with the strengths where Moses has weakness and pairs them together and He works through them. The second, Pharaoh's heart continues to be hardened, especially when time has elapsed between his encounter with God's power and truth. Can I get an Amen of understanding from anybody else? Today my attitude was horrible at first. My last time with God in his word: three days ago. It is amazing how much I overestimate myself by even thinking I could go three days without sweet communion with God, all the while the world is steadily hounding me and trying to creep into life. The third: God is always there and always does what he says he will do. Nothing stands in God's way, not even an all powerful king and the people in charge.

What does all this mean for me? God can and will do it. I wasn't made to do things apart from him on my own, but in and through relationship with him. It's not about what I can do, but letting him do it, and keeping my heart softened and ready for use.